There was an old friend that I contacted shortly after my divorce. I knew it was wrong, because I had also gotten in touch briefly before the divorce, only making an already bad sitiuation worse; so I make no excuses for this behavior. “Missed her” won’t cut it. “Divorced now, so it doesn’t matter” doesn’t work, either. But with that said, I’d like to set the record straight.
V., you appear to have the impression that I’m still in communication with J.; this is not the case. I haven’t heard from her, seen her, or spoken to, written, or otherwise communicated with her, since late 2001. Furthermore, I have not heard a word about her in those 4 years. Anything I told you recently (because you asked) is old information. I have no desire to reintiate contact with her either.
So set your mind at ease.
Ok,so I was serfing and decided to go ahead and stop by, haven't done it in a while, thought I would go ahead and do it mainly b/c you keep writting mine. Yes, let's set somethings straight. "J"udith was your ex-girfriend that you kept telling me you should have married instead (even though she cold-dumped you). You kept telling me how much better she was, even when we weren't fighting. You would forget that I was your wife and that I loved you for someone that hated you and tried to get you arrest several times just for fun and to be mean. You really pissed me off over her. She IS part of the reason I left. Was reading earlier that you really don't like that much anymore, well I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU. I wanted to leave you after 6 months of marriage but I held on trying to think about good reasons to stay together, trying to forgive the abuse and BS that you gave out on a daily basis. The last straw was the last time that you said you "should have married Judith." I was through. You know you ask me to come back, you say you love me? Yet you are still hung up on Judith. So you are now able to stop getting in touch, you should have done that while we were married. You know everytime I have thought about coming back, all I have to do is think about the time when we were less than a week married and we just made love, you look down at me and said "I wonder how Judith is?" Frankly Brian I could careless if you are in contact now. She is and will always be a whore in my mind and the fact that choose to give her the love that was supposed mine will always break my heart. How could you think that I would like to be reminded of that all my life? BTW I have not recently asked you at all about you and her. I can't even remember when we last talked. Also about the necklace, I put love into what I made for you. I was upset because, as I now see was a pattern for you, you rejected my love and gifts of love. Who ever gave you something like that, that was not a family member. That is why I was hurt. I am over that, in fact I forgot completely about it. Also I am glad that you are FINALLY growing as a person, too bad that it took so long? Now if you could only move out of your parnets house...I mean you are over 35 and still live at home, that is still scary. I am not as angry as I was, but then again after 5 1/2 years I tend to forget somethings. Thanks for reminding me for some of the reasons why I left.
ReplyDeletejust when it seemed like you guys were making progress...
ReplyDeleteI meant this post as an apology, but clumsy ol’ Brian always has to stick his foot squarely in his mouth! :-} I have replied to that comment, and we will see how it goes. I'm not sure what you meant by "progress"; I thought it was just the opposite. Looks pretty gloomy, doesn’t it?
ReplyDeletei just meant that it seemed like you were making stridesin your previous post, the 'apology for the rainbow necklace' one. I mean yes, it is ridiculous that you're apologizing about a rainbow necklace, but it didn't seem to be about that. You seemed to be apologizing for the way that you treated 'angel' throughout your relationship. And that was a good step. Now, you've fallen into the trap of the back and forth with her. She will forgive you when the time is right, and you can't force her to. You have to work on yourself and let her work on herself. She obviously has alot of pain that she carries with her. All you can do is sincerely apologize to her, and when she's ready, she'll renew contact with you. Or not. Maybe she never wants to see or hear from you again. But that's her choice to make. Let her make it.
ReplyDelete